Monday, July 6, 2009
don't mess with my cowboy boots
On Friday evening we, Kyle, Stirring & I, all piled into Ky’s car and set off for Dyke’s house for a bit of patsy. Gary was having drinks with his new work colleges and met us there when he was done. We braaied (if you’re not South African, a braai is a BBQ), talked, laughed and got jolly on our individual poisons, mine being the RED, mmm mmm.
I love red wine, especially in winter. It warms you from the inside out and makes you very happy. Now if you know me, when I have a few in me, I can get a little wild. My inner child chooses to show herself...
So we decided to leave because everyone else was going to Bill the Bum’s. You wouldn’t catch me dead. No ways. I have a total thing about going out to places that dictate what you must wear. Plus these places always contain highly muscled angry JOCKS! Urrgg.
The Boys were hungry and wanted McDonalds so we all pulled in, in our various states of “jolly”. It was 11.30 and they were just getting ready to close the inside for the night. It comes our turn to order. The lady behind the counter greets us and off I go. Crikey you can’t take me anywhere.
I asked the lady behind the counter if she wanted to hear my rap song. She said yes. So I gave it my all. This was going to be my best performance ever! I was doing my little dance rapping my rap song and the lady behind the counter just cut me off half way through. She said she didn’t like my rap song.
WoooWooo. That’s is just something you do not say to a Jessica who has 2 bottles of red wine in her and is rapping you her rap song! I told that stupid, ungrateful lady behind the counter, I told her good and proper! I was like ‘BITCH PLEASE, HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE MY RAP SONG? I DON’T LIKE YOU EITHER AND I’M NOT ORDERING ANYTHING FROM THIS STUPID McDONALDS! IF I WERE YOU I WOLDN’T MESS WITH A LADY WHO’S WEARING COWBOY BOOTS. COWBOYS DON’T EFF AROUND YO! YOU SUCK, MY RAP SONG ROCKS!”
Sometimes I feel really sorry for my boys. They are forever having to smooth things over with the people I give hell to, jolly or not jolly. Thank you my favorite boys. Thank you a lot! But in all fairness to me, if a girl with blond bushy hair wearing cowboy boots walked up to me and was like, “Do you wanna hear my rap song?”, I would so be like, “Flippen hells yeah lady!”. I would get down and do a little dance with her and if I knew the words I would sing along and maybe even propose we do a duet.
I really don’t like that lady behind the counter. No I do not!